As I stated in a previous post I have a new job. AKA I quit my job. Now I am full time mommy and even get a couple extras to tag along with us on our days. I am glad that I waited a while before writing about it. I think I have a new perspective than I did right at first. At first, like all firsts, I was a little panicked and unsure of myself and wondering what I had done. Now that I am about six weeks in or so I have gotten used to it as I knew I would. I can see the benefits more clearly (although I do admit there are still costs). The number one benefit is pictured above. These three sweeties/monsters. It is incredible how much you can love someone who can also drive you so--to use Jude's phrase--"up a nut!" I guess that is family for you:)
The place for a mom of young children is complicated to say the least. I am not going to get into a which is better discussion because I have no idea and I don't think there is an answer. But when I was teaching I always felt a little out of place, like I shouldn't be there. I felt like I was missing out on being home. But it is something you don't know how you'll feel until you're there. So now I'm here. And I still have that feeling. Like I should be doing more, making more money, being more busy. There is always a feeling I guess because after you have kids you are not just you. You are you plus the little guys/gals (not to mention husband!). You are plural. You long to be apart from and with them all at once!
I have had four great pieces of advice/words of wisdom that have really impacted me in my new job recently. 1.) My OBGYN asked about the kids one day and I mentioned how they are super loud and fight constantly. She has four kids herself and replied something like, "sounds about right, that's how we show love in a family". That made me feel so much better that day. Like I wasn't failing (and *might* not go insane) because my kids are loud and fight. It's just love people! 2.) I read an article by a woman who was describing her two jobs. One was a psychologist and one was a mother. She referred to her children as demonic angels or something like that and I could totally relate. She also mentioned which job was more difficult. I will let you figure that out! 3.) I read another article in which the author (a stay at home mom) described her revelation that her occupation was a luxury for her spouse and how much it positively impacted him. That also gave me a boost. 4.) Finally I just finished the book 'A Fault in Our Stars' which I sort of liked but probably wouldn't recommend. Anyway there was a quote, probably a theme, that I did really enjoy. It was that some infinities are bigger than other infinities. That doesn't make any sense. But the book related it to times in our lives. Moments, even, that impact us 'forever.' I could relate to this when thinking about the time in my life of having small children. I have been a mom of babies/small children now for five years. That is not a huge big time compared to the 32 years I have been living. But honestly it feels a little like infinity. Like it will never end...but it will. Shortly. And it will impact me forever. So it is a small infinity. Even though some days themselves feel like infinities, these diapers and naptimes and books and toys all over the house and screaming and crying and laughing and fighting, will all come to an end for me in my house.
So I have decided that I am going to enjoy this short infinity as much as possible. I don't know who first said this phrase, but I completely agree, "The days are long, but the years are short." Eventually I will go back to work outside my home and have another infinity there, but right now I am in the middle of an infinity here and I am thankful for our little infinity. It will be a "forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful."
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